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What to do when one of you is not in the mood

Today we’ll be talking about what to do when it’s that time of the month and one of you is not in the mood for sex.

Dr Terri Foran, a Sexual Health Physician, reveals her insight into this common issue when a couple begins their journey to conceiving.

Listen to the quick podcast here.

Studies suggest that low sexual desire is the most common sexual issue among women - and trying for a baby can actually exacerbate the issue, because it can feel as though sex is no longer something she chooses to do, rather she has to do at a specific time.

And that goes for men too - men can sometimes have trouble experiencing or maintaining an erection when it comes to conception for exactly the same reasons. For many men, scheduled sex is a stressor- and when this comes on top of a hard day at work or a traffic jam on the way home, getting an erection can sometimes prove impossible. The reality is, just one bad experience can lead to a self-fulfilling downward spiral where stress interferes with erections, which produces more stress, which interferes with erections…

It’s important to note that while timing sex prior to ovulation is key, if as a couple you are finding it to be too much pressure to ‘schedule’ an exact day and time, you can take a step back and make it simple. Have sex a few times a week, around the time of ovulation.

- Dr Terri Foran

Apart from optimising the sexual experience with foreplay and novelty (see Weeks 1 and 2), the best advice here is to develop a shared sense of humour.

  • Be honest about how challenging it is for both of you.
  • Try to reset expectations.
  • Being able to laugh together about the times that are less-than-amazing both in and out of bed can deepen your bond as a couple.
  • If intercourse is really off the menu for either partner, it is important that the other gives permission to simply let it go- regardless of what the calendar says.

It’s important to remember, there’s always another opportunity not too far off.